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Unreliable Friend

7 May, 2012

Previously on TRG: Met someone ‘L’,  she was everything I looked for, she thought I was wonderful, she decided I wasn’t so great, we didn’t work out, she met someone else.

We met through a mutual friend E, who is a very good friend of both of us. But now, the events between me and L have made it very difficult for me to see E. I don’t want to go to social gatherings that E arranges as I don’t want to run into L. I don’t want to see E when there aren’t lots of other people around because I don’t want to discuss L with her, I know that L will have talked to her and I don’t want to put her in the awkward position of being a confidante from both sides. On the few occasions since that I have met up with E, there has been no mention of L, the subject has been the elephant in the room for me, and I can’t relax. This week, E is giving a talk at a local society we are all members of and I would love to give her my support. But I can’t face going, and I can’t risk bumping into L if I go. I will be letting E down, and I can’t tell her why.

The answer, obviously, is that I need to let go, move on, all those other cliches. Meeting L was a hugely positive event in my life, I don’t meet many people that show an interest in me . Well, it was positive at the time, but it didn’t work out. I accept that, but my way of accepting is to bury it. To shove the emotions and the events to the back of the cupboard along with all the other stuff I don’ t want to deal with, and force the door shut. Which is why I don’t want to see L, or really anyone much, and why I have become more of a recluse than I was before. The main beneficiary is my writing, which is now having more attention than ever before.  But the one who has suffered most, and deserves it the least, is E who is now being badly treated by an Unreliable Friend.

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