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Oh god. Yes. Touch me there, on my..erm..thingummy

14 July, 2012


I am not a writer of erotica, although sometimes what I write takes place in the bedroom (or the lounge, or the shower, or the kitchen, or the boardroom, or the beach, or… well, you get the idea) and I don’t want to end the scene with a dot dot dot. The director of the scene in my head doesn’t call “cut” and things go beyond the hand-holding, the heavy petting, the “keep one foot on the floor” moments. And once the clothes come off and the kissing, caressing, touching, licking, entering begins, the problems begin for me as a writer. Because I don’t know what to call… it.

There are many names for lady parts, but there is not really one that I am happy to write. The nominations are…

Little Mouth  This post was inspired by TheOthers using this in her poem recently and I thought it was cute, suggestive, erotic when she used it but I can’t see this working in my voice.

Pussy. This is used quite a bit, but I hate it. It sounds too soft-porn 1970s to me.

Sex. I have used this but it is too twee, too Barbara Taylor Bradford, too classic romancey.

Womanhood. See Sex

Fanny. File under 1950’s. And in the States it doesn’t even mean the same thing,

Vagina. Unless I am writing a gynaecological paper, this will never be typed by these fingers.

Lips. This is better, but it sounds terrible in my voice. Like when David Cameron talked about pasties after the budget recently. It was just wrong.

Slit. See Lips

Cunt. The big one. A lot of female writers use it in their writing and it works, but it has a power beyond itself, it carries baggage. To me it earned its place as The Dirtiest Word because of the suppression, repression of female sexuality, and for a man to write it in fiction sounds like a white person using the N word. I do not feel entitled to use it, it’s not my word to reclaim.

Cunny. This I like. But for anything set after 1875 it doesn’t fit.

Core If I had to choose one word I am comfortable with, it would probably be this. But you can’t use it all the time.

Twat, Vag, Minge. Seriously??

So over to you, readers and writers of adult literature, what word(s) do you use? What suggestions can you make for expressions I could use? There are only so many times I can avoid the issue and say “between my thighs” or “myself”


From → Adult, Blogging, Writing

  1. TheOthers1 permalink

    I’ve never used little mouth outside of that poem because I thought it was cute and erotic. How something can be both is beyond me, but there you go. I’ve only recently jumped on the pussy wagon (did I really type that? Pussy wagon? Hm) and find that I like using it as well as cock in any erotic piece I use. Still uncomfortable, but it has a better impact. I used to use “slit” a lot as well as between her thighs and core (still use them actually). The others? I’m not sure I can type out “cunt” yet. Not a word I’m very comfortable saying even. I toss the word quim around for consideration a lot because I like how it sounds, but haven’t worked up the nerve on that one.

    I imagine, as a guy, your options aren’t great for this name game. I think if you pick one and stick to it it’ll grow on you though. Snatches are sneaky like that. 😉

    • Hi CC! Thanks for your comments and suggestions.
      Yep, you really did just write Pussy Wagon 😀
      as i think more about slit it sounds like its been caused by a knife, a truly horrific mental image that i now cant get past. I like quim (no sniggering at the back) its an inoffensive-sounding word and it has potential, but it does sound a little Victorian like cunny. I think quim would work in first person or in dialogue but i couldnt use it as a narrator i dont think. Same for snatch, depending on the character.

      Overall, anything sounds bad in a male voice i think – either degrading, insulting or sleazy. So usually if i write anything rude it tends to work better with a female narrator

  2. Came by way of TheOther1 blog and glad I did. Yeah, I have the same problem. My mind goes all Penthouse Letters, but that doesn’t really fit the page, unless I am writing TO Penthouse Letters. 😀

    • Hi ralfast, thanks for stopping by, your comment had me laughing! and i love your gravatar – calvin is a legend! i haven’t got any closer to a solution to this problem yet, maybe i should change my target audience rather than my vocabulary 🙂

  3. the sweet center of her being
    essence of ripening fig
    delicacy of champagne-dampened orchids

    Creativity, my friend, is limitless.

  4. I write erotica and am a woman, so I guess by your logic I am allowed the dirtier words. 😉 I prefer pussy, cunt, snatch, occasionally twat. I think hole is always a good bet–just be sure it isn’t confused with the fanny variety. You use that one anywhere in the US and you are a dated backdoorman. Hot hole, slick hole, holiest of holies…:) Of course, if you are writing the romance version of a sex scene (vs. erotica) you can beat around the bush when it comes to overt description. And yes, every pun intended.

    • thanks for dropping by and thanks your input (pun also intended). i hadnt thought of hole, that is another good option. using just the word itself seems a little harsh but yes hot hole, moist hole etc would work better.
      i tend to be in the romancer end of the market than the deeper erotica hence i usually am a bush beater
      and also your blog looks fascinating, i will be following and finding time to read back through!

  5. I’ve just read a couple posts and I do like your personaliy. Thank you for the follow – although I always wonder what I wrote that sparks that click. Regardless, I have liked your comments and now I’m following you. This is a fun post to comment on. It seems that the more I read others’ posts with all the different words you mentioned, the more comfortable I am with the variety. The actual intent of emotions related to the story have a lot to do with it. Aggressive, raw, tender, loving, seductive all play a part in what word works in feeling and in the sound they imply or impress upon the writer’s brain. Personally, her “hole” would work if I used his “protrusion” – never what I would use… now I’ll probably find it will be the exact word I need, right? ( by the way, I love your logo) Jayne

    • Hi Jayne and thanks for commenting. I’ve seen your name on CC’s and Marian’s posts before so thought i’d wander over and see what you had to say on your blog. I liked it so i followed it 🙂
      You are absolutely right, the choice of word(s) depends on the context and the voice/character of the narrator. And the same goes for the gentleman’s apparatus aswell. Manhood seems to be popular, and i use this alot, but it can get a bit samey. again though, all in context. if it doesnt jar when reading, then it works, whatever word or expression the writer uses

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