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Romantic Failures – K

5 August, 2012

I’ve hinted before at my extensive collection of Romantic Failure stories, and i thought i should share some of them with you in a new series. As a few of you have been very kind and supportive of my fanciful attempted wooing of GAW, it’s only fair i let you see who you are encouraging. I’m not just being modest when i say i am crap at wooing, and in this new collection, i will present the evidence. Some stories are funny, some are sad, some are unlucky, some are me being misguided, but virtually all these failures are down to my incompetence.


I’ve already told you about L, the most recent example. So maybe i should start with the earliest, V, when i was aged 8. Maybe i should start with the most significant and regretted, S, when i was aged from 22 to present. But i have decided to start with K as it involves an amusing tale about a sofa and peanuts…

I worked in a bank when i left school, and studied banking exams for a couple of years. K worked for a different bank, went to the same course, and was stunning. I lusted from afar, occasionally spoke to her. Never said anything, life moved on. A few years later, i went back to college Adult Ed to study English Language/Lit. She was there, and we knocked about in a group of half a dozen or so. She was seeing someone so i never did anything about it (again), never said anything to her or anyone else. What was the point?  College ended, we went our separate ways. I am still friends with some of the people i met at English and about ten years afterwards, one of these friends mentioned about the night we were all watching a film at home, and i cleverly avoided her advances. Sorry, i did what? And i did it cleverly? The story was related back to me:

Four of us were squished on the sofa, K next to me. We were all chatting before anyone pressed play, when K looked at me, stretched out an arm and slid it round me as she leant in. Not for a kiss, just to be closer, snuggle up, maybe lay her head on my shoulder, see where it led. But i deftly avoided this apparently unwelcome advance by leaning forward at that moment to grab a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the coffee table. K crumpled at the back of the sofa, and looked embarrassed, sat up again, recovered her composure as the rest of the room tried not to laugh. I ate, sat back, we watched a film. Oh it was hilarious, i was told, and we were impressed at how you avoided her move so deftly, covered it so well.

Being told this years later was the first i knew about any of this. I remember the night, the film, the sofa. But the lunge, the peanuts, the stifled laughter? Nope. It was purely imperfect timing on my part to be thinking of eating when K was thinking of snuggling up to me. I often think how my life would have turned out massively different if i hadn’t have leant forward at that exact second. But hey, that’s the butterfly effect for you. Apparently around that time there was also an anonymous valentine sent to her which she showed round our friends, and she assumed (hoped?) had been sent by me. I don’t think so, they all said, he’s never mentioned anything like that, he definitely would have said. Well it wasn’t from me, but again had she asked me, that butterfly wing could have changed lives.

  1. Timing is…everything! lol

  2. Oh my, you cannot imagine how hard I am laughing … with you, of course. 😉 You have to write a book documenting your misfortune. This really must be a movie or television scene. It’s so perfectly horrible and tragic.

    Yes, I’m still laughing. You poor thing.

    • oh, i completely find this story funny too, even from when i was first told what i did. i am so jealous that i didnt get to see it first hand. Well that’s logically impossible of course, but you know what i mean

      • It would be a fun night to have recorded, for sure. Then you could call her up today to show her the tape and ask for a replay … in which you would not reach for peanuts, of course.

      • i like the sound of that. I feel a semi-fictional post brewing. the lack of peanuts would mean it ended up with more adult content though 😉

      • Yeah, I suppose so. Will you be booting out the rest of the guests, or will they stay on to watch this version as well?

      • i think some things are best continued later without an audience…

  3. Argggghh! This sounds like the kind of thing I might have done. And to think K was pining for you!

  4. TheOthers1 permalink

    Oh, boo! I have some funny stories too. *sigh*

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