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17th August 1989

17 August, 2012

Today is the 23rd anniversary of my Mum’s death.

6 days earlier she was admitted to hospital with only hours to live, but she fought for long enough to see her brother and sister again after many years of family feuding, and to make her peace with the god she felt had abandoned her to suffering.

2 days earlier, her body eating her from the inside out, she asked the nurse to be allowed an injection to end her life. The nurse could do nothing, we could do nothing, but be there and hold her hand as she begged Jesus for help. She slipped into a coma that night, and never woke up. I see the 15th as the day my Mum’s soul left her. For the final two days, the bed contained an empty shell with vacant eyes, staring yet seeing nothing.

She finally had her peace on 17th at 11pm.

 

This is the only photo I have of her, from 5 years before.

I miss her every day.

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From → Blogging, Pictures

14 Comments
  1. I’m sorry, RG. Of course you miss her every day.

  2. You must have been a sweet son. I hope you do something today to rejoice in her memory – I find that to be a lovely way to brighten up a memory if I’m sad about it – little or big thing…but be 100% present. Even going to the shore – perhaps where this photo was tken …or it finally hits me (duh) you did something by sharing her with me and everyone else. Thanks for sharing your Mum.
    love to you, Jayne

    • Thanks for your kind words, it means alot. even now im not at the point where i can celebrate her memory, its still too full of pain, but one day i wll

      • I think you did celebrate her in your post. I’m a mother and you can never know the enthrallment of what your mum felt holding you in her arms but I’m sure she did feel you and loved you fully – it cannot be denied. It is heavenly no matter what beliefs you have. You are loved forever because of it.

      • Thank you again. i know i was loved and i appreciate your saying this as a mother ❤

      • yes, as a mother, I don’t think a child can comprehend the basis of what they sparked. It’s something birthed in the moment of your first breath – of which, in struggle, began a soulful connection of undying love. Who knew? – not mother nor child.

      • You express that love beautifully. im not a parent but so i havent experienced it directly but i know that my parents had that love for me.

  3. mary i permalink

    I feel for / with you. My mom passed on on July 28th of ’06. Her b-day is August 14th. I miss her everyday. Look for pennies, if you believe. Peace from Alabama..

  4. TheOthers1 permalink

    Sad. I had someone say that no matter when you lose a parent you are an orphan. A hug for you on a difficult day.

  5. love and hugs

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