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The Ultimate Insult

29 August, 2012

I committed an unforgivable social taboo this weekend. I cut someone from my Facebook list. I unfriended her.

It wasn’t just any old someone though, it was the woman I was seeing last year, the one I thought I had a connection with, who I used to swap literally hundreds of texts a day with. You can read some of the story of our liaison here if you like.

I really should be over her by now. After all it is now:
13 months since we met
11 months since we last dated
9 months since I thought I had put her out of my mind
8 months since she said she was sorry for hurting me, could she see me?
6 months since she said there was no chance for us
5 months since she met her new partner
4 months since we had any sort of contact

It’s not like I’m still upset, most of the time I don’t think about her. I certainly don’t stress over her, cry over her or waste any form of negative emotion on her, and I genuinely wish her well. But every time I saw her tweets or her facebook updates, a part of me regretted that it didn’t work between us and that wasn’t helping me. It wasn’t her that was getting to me, it was the reminder of a relationship which seemed to have so much potential but fizzled out before it got going. And while I was constantly reminded of that, I couldn’t fully move on.

A couple of weeks ago, after chatting about this to a friend, I unfollowed her on Twitter – an easily reversible move and not the sort of shun she would notice unless she checks the number and identity of her followers regularly, and who does that? And having taken that step, combined with being in a low mood this weekend and seeing her post pictures on facebook of her oh so happy holiday with her oh so wonderful man, I thought it was time to take the next step, the big step, the ultimate step.

She’s out of my Facebook life. Will she notice? Will she care? No idea. But I already feel better.

  1. Good for you!

    I unfriended someone recently…and what do you know, the person noticed…sent me a nasty text too. Apparently you can get an app on your phone or something that tells you when you have been unfriended…who does that? well i guess this particular friend does…

    I hope your friend doesn’t mind…

    • i seriously doubt she will notice, and i doubt she will challenge me about it. But if she does, as with your bad experience, it will say more about her than it will about me!

  2. You ripped the last of that slow tearing band aid off – it takes strength of character to do that RC – Congrats! Thats hard to do. Maybe Marian’s reaction to Aussie planted something in you…? Good for you. Jayne

    • Thanks Jayne. I should have done it ages ago but some vague feeling of etiquette was stopping me.
      I unfriended her before Marian posted about her email yesterday, but it did make me think maybe i should write about my own catharsis. The contrast is interesting though: She was able to send a polite and friendly email, i deleted from facebook.

      • I don’t think deleting her was rude. It made sense. You don’t keep tabs on every ex and just because facebook is there – doesn’t mean you are obligated to retain connections forever. That would be tortuous! Ex’s, old co-workers, people you meet casually but don’t end up having an ongoing friendship, etc. We can’t keep up with everyone we “friend” – it’s just not pssible

      • I know youre right but it feels like we’re supposed to “friend” everyone. im fussy about who i friend on fb and unfriending feels like a snub. but i know its the right thing to do

      • you didn’t do it with maliciousness – and you worrying that it was seen as a snub…to me, proves it wasn’t….my two cents. : )

      • thanks jayne. I’m just too nice 🙂

  3. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with unfriending, especially if you know you really don’t want anything more to do with that person. And well done—it’s liberating to just say “Bye now.”

    • Its not that i dont want anything to do with her, but it wasnt doing me any good being reminded of the past every day. thats what im saying “bye now” to rather than her.

  4. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to unfriend someone in that situation. Well done you.

  5. TheOthers1 permalink

    Sometimes it’s like you’re the male version of me. I’ve had a very similar situation with similar feelings and results. Except you’re much more diplomatic than I was. I was super angry about him for a long time. There are times when being single is infinitely easier because I can’t mess it up.

  6. Sounds easy to explain if she does mention it. I’m sure she knows you still have feelings for her anyway. She’ll understand.

    You made a wise decision to remove a harmful “substance” from your life. From day to day, we allow information/influences to infiltrate our heads and hearts that negatively affect how we perceive ourselves, others, and the world. It’s nonsense and a waste of energy, in my opinion.

  7. It was time. Good for you darling.

  8. I was unfriended by a guy that I was having a Full-Scale Virtual Crush on…his girlfriend found out about our escapades, sent me a quite threatening/well-deserved hate message and the next day, he was no longer my “friend.” He’s really far away from me physically anyway, but not seeing his smiling face on my FB shook me up for a while. Now I think it was for the best. It’s tough moving on when you see the person every day.

    I think it’s positive that you were the one to give the boot. That is empowering.


    • Thanks Dawn. I was finding seeing her on twitter and fb was tough and stopping me from moving on. I’m so glad i took the step though, it now feels like i have freed myself

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