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I resolved my own dilemma

23 September, 2012

I have told you before I am the world’s worst decision maker, which when it comes to reading menus in restaurants is at worst an irritant for me and my fellow diner(s). When my dithering affects my romantic and/or social life though, the results are more far-reaching, last night being a great example. Saints got their first win of the season yesterday, their first points since returning to the Premier League after seven turbulent years, by mauling Villa 4-1, and we could have won by twice as many. And how did i celebrate this historic day?  If just one of the romantic failures I am chronicling had been different, if just once I had found the nerve to act on my lust then it could have been dinner for two in a nice restaurant, babysitter watching the kids, home to a few glasses of whisky as we watched Match Of The Day, and the night rounded off her wearing a Saints shirt as we had epic, athletic, celebratory sex on the lounge floor. But no. It was a frozen pizza from Iceland, and falling asleep on the sofa at 8pm in front a DVD of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I woke up about 11, knocked out a quick Summer Heat chapter and thence to Bedfordshire.

I am getting pissed off with my failure, my single life, my empty and irrelevent day-by-day nothingness. This blog started as a way for me to order my thoughts, to understand who I am and why. I didn’t care if anyone read or listened, as long as I did. But there are people reading – you for example – and some of you (you know who you are) have been helpful in raising my confidence, directing me where to go as i stumble blindfold through the dark, foggy maze of mystery that is dating. And i am massively grateful for that.

But, to the point. I am going to this kitchenware party on Monday, based on thinking “what would the lovely people of WP recommend I do” and taking that advice. See? I made a decision, all by myself, allbeit one that you made for me (sort of). Yesterday i had a fantastic idea – take the advice that so many bloggers have given me, and ask out GAW. Rather than the unambiguous romantic advance of  “fancy going for a drink after work” though, i thought i would invite her to the jamie thing. She would be interested in the goods on sale, it would be a chance to get some time with her (i’d give her a life there and back), get a few glasses of wine into her, and see how it went. The main thing though is that this is a great semi-date, and if there is no vibe there i can pretend it was just as mates all along and I save face and friendhsip. Brilliant, foolproof plan, and i wrote the text to ask her.

Before hitting send though, i had a thought. This party will be all women, plus me. And i know my friend the hostess is keen to see me loved up. So what if she has an eye on this party as her chance to matchmake? What if i get there with GAW on my arm (well, sort of) and any of the fellow party-goers who are there partly with an eye on meeting me decide i am with her? I know i’m getting ahead of myself, but this is how my mind works – ten moves ahead, like a chess player. I know realistically that GAW wouldn’ t see it as a date, wouldn’t see me as more than a mate, wouldn’t give me any signals, wouldn’t welcome any kissing, fumbling, fondling, arousing, undressing, licking, anythingelseing in the car afterwards, but part of me can’t help thinking well, maybe…

So i thought i would ask you what YOU thought, should i ask her, but before I could post the dilemma, i knew that having watched my friendship with her develop, you would beg me to ask her. But i know that even if she accepted the invite, she wouldn’t accept my tongue in her mouth or my hands (or any other of my body parts) in her underwear and as much as i would love to extend our friendship beyond the workplace, the likelihood that going with GAW would ruin the chances of a single guy in a house full of women outweighed my lust for her.

I didn’t send the text. I am going alone. Of course it is unlikely i will meet anyone there, the same as it is unlikely i would have ended the night in the arms of GAW. But the important thing is that I made a decision. I had the confidence to take my own advice. I resolved my own dilemma. And though i will still be single when i get into bed on Monday night, i will be a more confident single.

  1. you could always mention at work that you going eeven make a joke that they are out to set you up and see if she actually asks to come with you

    • Thanks Paula, i like that. i think i will tell her, just to see what her reaction is.

      • you never know the thought of you in anothers arms aswell as another job may just spur her to think about how she really feels about you

      • i know. when she asked who she will make the tea with if i leave, she gave a comedy pout and laughed, but i KNOW she hated the thought of me leaving and was genuinely upset. Maybe after monday i could even drop a little pretend future date with someone from the party in the conversation, see her reaction then. because you never want something more than when you suddenly can’t have it, right? 😉

      • of course, and also you sometimes take it for granted that someone will always be there for you and don’t realise how you feel about them until its too late

      • and that works both ways. The possibility of this job (which i havent even applied for yet, mind!) and her reaction to it also brought it home to ME that I don’t have forever to keep putting off telling her how i feel. i feel things may move along, whatever happens about the job and/or monday night.

      • if you do take the new job you have nothing to lose by laying your cards on the table but the possibility of having everything to gain go for it

      • Thats exactly what ive decided. and even if i dont get it, im starting to think lifes too short not to go for it…

  2. Good for you on the deision!

  3. Well done on the decision. But it sounds like you talked yourself out of it…
    Ask! What’s the worst that can happen? She may say No, In which case, you can accept it as just a friendship and move on to some more life fulfilling adventures. And if she says yes. Great, move on to some fulfilling of her adventures 😉

    Either way is a win, win.

    Ask yourself this… In 10 years time, when you look back on this, Would you still like to be wondering what if…


    • ive talked myself out of asking her out to THIS night, but these last couple of weeks – her being on holiday, me applying for a new job – have taught me that i WILL be saying something soon. you’re right, i dont want to add her to my “i wonder” list. even if she says no (which she more than likely will) i will still like her and lust after her, but it will be good to know for sure.

  4. Right on, bro! I know how hard it is to just take the plunge, but having no regrets will be good. I once asked out a guy, which scared me to death. He turned me down, saying he already had a girlfriend (which I knew was not true), so it didn’t turn out the way I had hoped but I’m still glad to this day that I did it.

    And speaking as a chick, I can tell you that there’s nothing more attractive than a guy who’s getting himself together and moving on to better things, new job, new possibilities, whatever. So let her know that you’re putting yourself out there for the ladies to find. Couldn’t hurt, as they say. 😉

    • Thanks Weebs! Sorry it didnt work out for you but good for you asking and overall it worked out for you.
      we’ll see if she finds me leaving attractive…

  5. Congratulations on making your decision. May it be the first of many! xoM

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