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CBFA

29 September, 2012

My life is one massive round of can’t be fucking arsed.

I had a free friday evening yesterday, after i had posted at about 5pm the night was a blank canvas on which to paint the colourful and exotic life of my choice. Since i was sat at my laptop i thought i could have an uninterrupted few hours making real headway on my WIP. Turns out i couldnt be arsed. Instead i went to the website of the company i am applying for a job with, as a bit of research there would help me at the interview. I did about ten minutes before CBFA kicked in and my mind wandered to facebook and reading WP. For a bit. Three new films opened at the cinema this weekend that i want to see, so i checked the times. Then i realised it was getting dark and might rain, and i couldnt be arsed leaving the house. Watch a dvd maybe? the rental company haven’t sent my new ones yet and i’ll seen all the ones on the shelf. Fuck it, cant be arsed watching them again. Make a start on reading something from the book piles around the flat? whats the point, i’ll fall asleep after about five minutes anyway. How about friday fictioneers? or five sentence fiction? havent done those for a bit. but no inspiration came to me and i couldnt be arsded thinking about it.  So after eating a whole packet of biscuits, because i like biscuits and they usually cheer me up even though they make me fat and give me high blood pressure and are probably storing up a heart attack and diabetes fot later life, i went to bed at 8pm feeling angry at myself for wasting another evening of a life that is zooming past while i achieve absolutely nothing. And the reason for that is that i cant get myself motivated. once ive typed this im going back to bed despite the fact that all the above things still need doing, its the weekend and its sunny today. and as  for typing this – i could proofread, punctuate, spellcheck and all that stuff which writers who are any good do but i cant be fucking arsed.

sometimes i wish there werent any weekends because as much as i hate my job, at least it makes me get up and go in and do it. if i didnt id get sacked. and speaking of work, i dreamt about GAW last night. it was her birthday and the whole office gathered to wish her a happy one. she sat on my lap, we all sang happy birthday, then she turned and kissed me, and kissed me, and kissed me in front if everyone. It was magical, i felt alive and at home and wanted and validated. Then, as dreams do, it skipped  a bit. We were sitting apart and her bf had come in. he heard about our tongueplay and threatened to beat the shit out of me. GAW was sat away from me laughing. At me, not him. Luckily i woke up before punishment could be handed down, but my next dream was of the rest of the office eating the cakes that she had brought in. there were wasnt one left for me.

 

Happy saturday everyone!

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