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Friday Five Sentence Fictioneers – Flawed

19 October, 2012

A mashup this week between Lillie‘s FSF prompt word “FLAWED” and Madison‘s Friday Fictioneers prompt picture:
bus loading

 

Exactly 100 words in exactly Five Sentences. All comments and criticisms welcome.

—————-

 

He had symbolically packed a bag with a few clothes and left it by the door where she would see it, so she would know he was serious, but he knew he would not be needing it.

He waited in the kitchen as the early hours passed, rehearsed his speech, and when she entered, he told her to stand and listen.

‘I don’t know who he is,’ he concluded, ‘but it’s him or me.’

He hadn’t anticipated her reply, hadn’t seen the flaw in his plan.

 

He picked up his bag, handed it to the driver and took his seat.

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7 Comments
  1. Sisyphus47 permalink

    always a risk, this is beautifully crafted! 🙂

  2. I knew it… he was so sure… but he knew he would not be needing it … loved the last line.

    • Thanks Ted! I was quite pleased with this week’s piece

      • You know, I was of mine. It was one of those that seemed to write itself. That does not happen often, and when it does it’s kind of magical. Not to get all weepy here…

  3. TheOthers1 permalink

    Dang. Those are the breaks? But it sucks that she didn’t choose him. Nicely done, RG. You do it well. 🙂

    • Thanks cc 🙂
      in my head she was never going to choose him and my sympathy was with her. don’t know why though, as we don’t know the whole story

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