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So THAT’s it

29 December, 2012

Those who read my posts regularly will know that I have spent a lot of these last nine months trying to make sense of the emotions I have, and the way my head perceives the world and the people in it. Some of your blogs have enabled me to recognise some of my characteristics in the conditions you live with, and this had helped me to try to work out exactly why I am the way I am. But surely I am not affected by all of these, surely there must be a common theme, a consistent thread which weaves through them all and describes me.

I sleep with the radio on a speech station, and during the half-dozen or so times I am awake each night, as well as emailing and reading blogs, I hear passages of programes. On the night of 24th/25th, I heard a programme featuring a family of five, all of whom are diagnosed with the same condition. And as they described their lives, their mannerisms, their personalities, their difficulties, their talents, it was like hearing a ticklist of my characteristics. To the extent that I started anticipating what they would say, because I was imagining what my answers would be.

Christmas morning I went online and did two different self-tests (I would have done more but my lift arrived) both of which convincingly told me that my personality is consistent with their condition. I think the search is over.

I don’t really know what happens now. I guess I should ask my doctor for a referral and have some sort of official diagnosis. This would only be a technicality though, someone in a hospital office ticking a box on a form, as I KNOW that I am right. I’m not sure if anything in my life will change, I have no desire to be prescribed any medication, however easier this may make difficult days, and I know that I am not very good at talking to others so I’m not sure if counselling or therapy will benefit me. I will read more about it and try to learn from others’ experiences. I don’t intend to tell anyone about my realisation, and at this stage I’m not even going to tell you what the condition is. The most important thing is that I have finally found some of the answers I have been seeking all my life, and that is good enough for me.

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From → Blogging, My Head

23 Comments
  1. TheOthers1 permalink

    And I think that’s what matters, having answers and a name to what is going on is enough. Though considering our similarities, I’m kind of curious as to what it is. Doesn’t matter though.

    ❤ BT

  2. As much as I hate labels sometimes you need a name to put to something so you can deal with it and find a way to move either past it or on with it I would say get the official diagnosis as then you can consider other options instead of drug treatment therapies may not cure things always but they sometimes can give you tools to deal with the bad days

  3. Yes, get an official diagnosis, and then you can know for sure exactly what you’re dealing with (however you decide to treat it). You’ve already taken the first step toward treatment by blogging. I’ve found that the combo of blogging (on my anonymous site) plus therapy are what helps me the most. A lot of other anonymous bloggers I know (for what we’re dealing with) have found the same. You’ll figure out the mix you need to help yourself. Maybe you’ll even be able to find other bloggers with your condition…? So glad you finally have an answer, though, TRG! Best wishes going forward — you are an absolutely delightful human being, and you deserve to be happy.

  4. I have it… You’re GAY!!!!!

  5. You know, thats amazing. Getting diagnosed, already knowing what it is, sounds like walking into the center ring of a circus to me. Living until adulthood for a diagnosis makes me think you have developed strengths to balance whatever it is you have. Research your doctors before going to be diagnosed. I had a skin condition years ago, went to about 8 different doctors – 2 from UCLA. One of the UCLA doctors tested me while in a state – WRONG. The other knew exactly what he was doing – he was more of a scientist, still doing clinical trials and practicing. The only other “good” doctor ended up being a dermatologist who conyinued his education, even though he had been practicing for decades. I thought younger doctors would have newer knowledge – not always true. His knowledge about skin and our diet was invaluable. Just thought I’d share. I hope it isn’t as much of a trial as mine was.

    • Thank for the support and advice. i wont rush into diagnosis and will try to consider my options if i do.

      • I found out the hard way that doctors are not all smart – some like what they do and you can tell because they’re thorough and ask good questions. Some treat you like you’re on a conveyor belt and some just do it for the money. Academic Institutions is a great p[lace to start.

      • that’s good advice, thanks Jayne

  6. Tin Woman permalink

    Knowledge is the most important thing, but be forewarned that it takes more than simple knowledge to cope and overcome. We all need a bit of help when entering uncharted territory.

    All the best and happy new year!

  7. Diagnosis or not, all the very, very best to you. xoM

  8. Being self aware is half the battle. Seeing a doc would be beneficial so you can start the process of healing.

    • HI TPS – thanks for stopping by and thanks for commenting, it is truly appreciated.
      As far as my own acceptance and understanding is concerned, self-awareness is 3/4 of the battle if not more. i am reading about the symptoms, and now when they occur i can understand what is causing them, and try to learn to temper my emotions. If i do choose to tell other people though, at that point i will be more likely to look for diagnosis, simply because it will have more credibilty with others rather than me saying “i think this is me, because i googled it.”
      but today, i feel slightly more complete and hopeful. as for “healing”, im not sure i want to change, just to manage.

  9. I think you’re already on the right track RG – and that’s very good! 🙂 As I’m not a big fan of doctors and scientists, I always try to find a ‘natural way’. And so far I succeeded 🙂 Wishing you the very best and thumbs up!

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