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Lunch – Answers and Questions

2 March, 2013

I promised that I wasn’t going to give daily updates on new GAW and I stick by that promise, because noone wants to read a stream of posts that consist of me saying how much I like her and I’ve no idea if she likes me. Because you’ve all listened to that with GAW. And because since Friday’s lunch with new GAW it’s not true. But I will tell you about that lunch.

Firstly, she told me how she went on a date the night before, and this made me realise she isn’t interested in me. Not because she is dating per se, not because she told me per se, but the way she chattily talked about it. If she was at all interested, she would either (a) be a bit coy because she didn’t want to put me off or (b) be over the top to make me jealous. But she was neither of these, she was just chatting to a friend. So I sense she isn’t interested. Or perhaps because she mentioned Justin Timberlake the other day and I said I thought he was hot, maybe she thinks I’m gay. And she did lend me a girly romantic dvd, and we were talking about chicklit aswell. Not that an interest in romance equals gay, neither does appreciating that JT is fit, but you know what I mean.

Maybe this is a new thing for me – being able to pick up on her (lack of) intentions and signals. Maybe not. But either way, I know she isn’t interested. Which is fine. I still think she is quite cute (though she is no GAW) but that’s as far as my feelings for her go. Move on. (Or move back to GAW perhaps. She was wearing a top yesterday with a neckline that showed her neck and shoulders, and you know what that does to me.)

So I just wanted to explain that part so that you don’t get the impression what happened next is what made up my mind I was moving on. Because she went on to say how she told this guy how she wasn’t after a boyfriend, didn’t want to sleep with him, just wanted to go on a few dates. Fair enough. But then she explained to me that she wanted to be wined and dined, and what are men for if not for buying her dinner and drinks, and paying for her cabs?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a gentleman (reclining) and I’m prepared to dip into my very shallow and poorly-filled pockets if I were to attempt to woo a lady, but I would not wish to be treated like a free credit card. A couple of dates, fine. But there comes a point that whatever your gender, you have to at least offer to pick up the bill here and there. That’s just politeness, and has nothing to do with what anyone’s sexual or romantic intentions are. To be fair though, I respected the way she told him outright.

This is why I wanted to make it clear that my interest in her had changed earlier, I wouldn’t want you thinking I was put off by the price tag that would buy me nothing. I’m not saying that buying flowers deserves a blowjob and dinner gets sex. There is no such thing as a dating price list, and I would never be so insulting as to assume there was. I still like her as a friend, I still like chatting at lunchtimes but I already knew she isn’t interested. And now I know that if she was, I’m not sure I still would be.

I’m not saying that the guys that buy her dinner deserve a return on their investment. But I do think they deserve respect, and I found her attitude disappointing. Am I being unreasonable? Have I been out of the dating game too long? Is it just that she is pretty enough that she will always be able to find a man who will buy her dinner in the hope he will get something in return? Is she being shallow or just working what she got girlfriend?


  1. My Dear Gentleman, you raise some good questions in the last paragraph of your post. I’d like to answer them from my perspective. No, you are not being unreasonable. There is no reason why a woman should not offer to pick up a tab here and there, or even split one. If she is as pretty as you say, then yes, she will always be able to find a man who will do precisely that. Beautiful women take it for granted that men will do this. In fact, sometimes even the plain women do this. She is both shallow and working what her mama gave her.

    Women are taught that dating men involves two things: that he should pick up the tab and that he will, at some point, have expectations of some kind of return.

    Personally though, I think the fact she openly discloses this to the men she dates is, in a limited capacity, a form of respect on her part. If she did not say so and just continued to accept the dates and dinners, that would be a different story.

    That being said, shallow as hell. I don’t blame you for not being interested, even if that interest turned based on that conversation. 🙂

    • Youre right, she was according him respect by being open with him.Maybe im being shallow too for making a judgement on her. this is why im not cut out for dating, i spend hours internally debating sexual politics and forget to just be

  2. Gentleman, Why not try just being, no politics, no debating, nothing. Just go with your heart and gut feeling freely. I am new to dating seen after 20 years, freaking scared out of my wits. Luckily, I don’t look great for my age and experience and maturity can go a long way from your little lunch room less mature girl from work. However, If you like her ask her out she may surprise you, for sometimes first impressions are not always accurate. Just feel the fear and do it anyway is what I am choosing for my “new dating life”, for to feel nothing at all is my worst fear of all. FYI, my new “dating life” off to a very slow start. I understand some of where you are coming from.

  3. I meant to say I do look great for my age, again should have read my comment over a few times. I am so funny,

  4. Glad you were able to learn enough about her to know that she’s not right for you, BEFORE you even spent any $$ on her! (Always a plus.) However, for future reference:

    “Justin Timberlake is hot.” + Discussing chick-lit + She loaned you a rom-com = She thinks you’re gay.

    Separately, maybe not. But all of those things together, um… yeah. That’s most likely what she thinks. Not that it makes a difference in this case, w/ this girl. But if you find yourself in a similar situation again (with a woman who IS worth your time and energy), you might want to clarify by saying something that leaves no room for doubt, like:

    “So my LAST girlfriend….”

    “Yeah, JT’s hot — did you see his 3rd History of Rap with Jimmy Fallon on YouTube? But you know who I’m REALLY into right now?” *Giving the chance to plant the seed of question in the back of her mind: “Who is he into? Does he mean ME? Is he into me?” but also an opportunity to rattle off Choon Chusday list. In addition to being impressed by awesome music-appreciation knowledge-base, a tiny thought in the back of her mind will say, “Darn! For a second there I thought he was going to say he was into me. And… wait a minute… I’m kind of into HIM. He’s really smart. And he’s kinda cute, too!”*

    “Whoa. You should wear that top more often. You have really great… shoulders…” *glances not-anywhere-NEAR shoulders, trying to see if she leans forward… just a bit more….*

    *takes swig of brewsky, belches, swipes arm across mouth*

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