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Five Sentence Fiction – Flame

31 March, 2013

Thanks as always to Lillie for running the wonderful 5SF, and for this week’s prompt “Flame”. I think I have excelled myself this week with the number of references to Flame I have rammed into my offering. Your comments and criticisms are compulsory welcome.


‘Sorry,’ Frederic muttered as his eyes first checked the grass to ensure that in his shock of finding the next diner standing barely half an arm’s-length behind him in the queue he had spilled none of his barbecued food, and then scanned the slim woman’s clothes to make sure that he had spilled none of it on her.

His focus came to rest on her deep red lips, her sparkling green eyes, her auburn hair floating flame-like around her perfectly-structured features, and out of context, it took him a second to realise where he recognised her from, to work out that although this was a company social she was not an employee, but that this was the woman who boarded the tube two stops after him every day and stood half a carriage away, staring ahead at the closed door, oblivious to the other commuters and to the fascination, the lust, the crush, the heat, the burning she inspired in him.

Finally the moment had arrived when he could speak to her without interrupting the peace of her morning thoughts, without a captive audience of hundreds, without looking like a crazed stalker, and he smiled broadly, his best, most attractive, most alluring smile.

But before he could form his first word, a slap on his back, accompanied by that irritating, infernal, overfriendly chuckle he endured every day in the office, invaded their private moment, his big moment, his big chance, and Tim stepped between the two of them, his glance oscillating between Frederic and this perfect vision of woman.

‘Freddie, old boy,’ Tim bellowed, grabbing his free hand and shaking it vigorously, ‘I see you’ve met my fiancée.’


  1. I wanted him to get the girl. Nicely written!

  2. Awwwww, dang it! I agree with Raven, I wanted this to work in his favor. So badly.

  3. Good one. Loved the last sentence. And then there’s this… he smiled broadly, his best, most attractive, most alluring smile… excellent line.

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