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Happy Birthday Mum

19 May, 2014

 

Happy birthday Mum. This is the 25th birthday you haven’t had. Nearly half as many birthdays as you celebrated have passed without you here to share them.

I don’t remember the last one. Because unlike your last weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds, none of us knew there would be no more. Except you. I think you knew. But kept it to yourself, saved us pain for as long as you could, the same way that the suffering you had in your life was private, internalised, until you couldn’t hide it from us any longer.

You are in my thoughts every day, I wonder what you would be doing now, would your life be happier now, would you have found peace? I hope you would be prouder of the good things I have done than I am. And less disappointed than me in the mistakes I’ve made. When birthdays and Christmases and Mothers Days and anniversaries come round every year, those thoughts increase.

And I hope this birthday would be a happy one.

From → Blogging, My Head

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