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Friday Fictioneers – Shelter

20 March, 2015

Well hello there. Thanks for popping by. Chances are you were directed here by the Inlinkz frog on Rochelle‘s page. I’m sure you know the deal – Rochelle sends a prompt pic, and approximately nine billion writers in four hundred countries on eleven planets write 100 words each. Here’s this week’s pic of the week:

rachel-bjerke

 

and here followeth the one hundred words I pulled from the cranial tombola in reply:

 

 

We five, the Colonel’s most trusted, had been selected to carry vital intel and maps through the woods to the Northern camp. If we failed, the campaign failed.

On day four, we found a stone storehouse and hunkered down for shelter. We listened to the sounds of battle around us, no longer knowing which were genuine, which were echoes, ricocheting from tree to tree.

“I’ll take first watch,” I suggested.

The others offered our traditional lights-out exchanges.

“Guard us from the enemy”
”And the enemy within”

 

I sat quietly.

Waiting.

At the first sound of sleep, I drew my knife.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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22 Comments
  1. The enemy within prevails, I fear. Nice one.

  2. Oh the traitor. A great story, filled with atmosphere.
    Claire

  3. Dear TRG,

    I was left wondering who the knife was for and whether he was guarding against treachery or about to commit it. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

  4. Lots of intrigue in these few words.
    I like it!

  5. Reminds me too much of the situations the military found themselves in while overseas in the war. This story is very realistic, sadly. Excellent story.

    • Thanks for reading and for your kind comments. It’s interesting that you say this is sad – we don’t know which “side” they’re on, maybe the narrator would be our hero

  6. Ooohhhh…. the enemy within indeed. Well done.

  7. To be the enemy within, what a chilling tale. I like the POV, even if I don’t really understand his reason.

  8. I really like this. Nice details of sounds to set atmosphere. Great twist at the end.

  9. I like the intrigue. Well done.

  10. I like the prop – that knife – it’s wonderful. Everything hangs on it. (If that’s a pun, sorry). And that’s where you leave us. You dropped a couple of full stops (or they were sliced off), but your cranial tombola spit out a good tale. 🙂

  11. Oh no, a traitor I think. Good story! Nan

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