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30 July, 2016

Those who have followed my blog for a long time will have heard me say many times that I don’t understand people, and that I am shit at wooing. I used to go on about it a lot but to be honest I was getting bored of telling you about my failures and I’m sure you had all got bored of it long before that. But I must tell you about this week, the latest example of my Datelexia, my inability to read the romantic intentions of any given conversation or interaction.

So I left my job recently. There was a particular girl there I secretly quite liked (not one I have told you about before, yet another one) but I have long since learned not to fall for girls at work so as cute as she was and as interesting a person she was and as well as we got on I didn’t let myself get too friendly. Anyway, on Wednesday I sent her a facebook friend invite just to see what would happen. I expected nothing.
Thursday she messaged me saying how great it was I had got in touch, she had looked for me but didn’t find me (partly becasue I have as many security privacy settings switched on as possible, but mainly because I don’t use my real name on there). We started chatting. We discovered we have similar tastes in the important stuff – music films politics sense of humour etc – and I apologised for being so reserved at work all that time. I didn’t tell her the full reason why but let her know it was me not her, and i did let her know she has a cute smile. Anyway, long story short, FIVE hours later we were still chatting and she pointed it out we really should meet for a drink.
How about lunch on Saturday I ask? Brilliant, cant wait, she says, cant wait to see you again. By this time, there are kisses on each message. And facebook counted over 200 messages between us that evening.
Saturday (today) arrives. A family emergency has come up, she says, she is really sorry she has to cancel, she feels awful about it, was really hoping to see me. Fair enough I say, I understand these things happen but I was really looking forward to it. she says the same, she really wants to see me soon , she knows I am busy next week but she cant wait for us to meet again. (yes, she did say it that many times) Why did we never get to chat properly and get to know each other when we worked together? I know, but at least we have put that right now.
We have been chatting all day today (not as many messages as Thursday but still loads), arranging maybe a meet up tomorrow if things have calmed down at her end. Both of us saying how much we can’t wait, are really keen to meet up. All this time, since Thursday, ive been thinking yes but is she INTERESTED? (I’m sure you’ve guessed already but bear with me while I develop the full narrative) I know how bad I am at reading these things, and at one point I considered texting a female friend to get her viewpoint, but surely an idiot as bad at these things as I am can see she is into me. So the conversation goes on, and I ask her where she lives – I’ve never known.

Oh, she lives quite near me.

With her boyfriend.

Now I know I am shit at reading these things, and I know I am guilty of being single and lonely and over-optimistic and thus guilty of reading more into friendly interaction than I should, but I really didn’t see that one coming.
What am I supposed to do with this information? I’m not shallow enough to think “well fuck you then” because I do still find her fascinating and I know we can be good friends and we have a lot in common, and I do want to meet up for drinks. And yes I understand now that her enthusiasm was platonic, with maybe a tiny hint of physical attraction she doesn’t intend to act on. BUT, readers and followers, (and I know you haven’t read the full transcript of the 300+ messages but I have been honest and fair in my précis) please tell me that I wasn’t being a complete tool in thinking she was interested, and anyone would have thought the same.

  1. You are right – you are both young without kids – and these temptations are sent to try you and help you grow up. She may be wanting to move on, she might not. One day she might be free, but by that time you might have someone. Que sera sera! Find out if her boyfriend does karate.

    • Thanks for reading and for taking the time to comment. I agree, she is either wanting to move on or not and only time and meeting up a few times will tell. She probably isn’t and I’ll get over it – I’m used to being in cute girls’ friend zone.
      Maybe further updates will follow but probably not. As I mentioned, i get bored of explaining how / why yet another attraction led to nothing. in the meantime I will make karate-based enquiries!

  2. Well, I didn’t see that coming either, and I consider myself good at reading “the signals” – I take it from your casually sharing that this is not a crisis but a chronic annoyance. I have no advice other than to suggest that there are worse places to be stuck than the cute girl friend zone. Hang in there.

    • My sharing (not casual, I thought very hard before I decided to write this) was due to my annoyance at myself for misreading, but also to see if everybody else would have read it the same way.
      At the risk of teasing though, there is now more to tell of this, and I hope to post an update soon…

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