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Friday Fictioneers – Call

28 July, 2017

Oh, hello you. Come on in. Glad you could make it. You’re looking well, have you been working out? I love what you’ve done with your hair. Make yourself comfortable, I’ll fix us some drinks. The usual?

Did you get Rochelle’s email this week? The one with J Hardy Carroll‘s pic as the prompt.

You did? Well I’m sure you’ve written your 100 words already and posted the link over in Frogtopia. You want to Read mine? Oh that’s very kind. Here they are. Hope you like them…

 

 

The automated voice crackled onto the waiting room tannoy, repeated its apologies for the delayed departures. Potential passengers checked their watches, tutted, wondered how much longer.

But Vincent, staring at the silent payphone, was oblivious. They should have phoned by now. The faded “no smoking” sign above it mocked his desperate nicotine craving; he couldn’t risk going outside. What if he missed it? Or worse, someone else answered?

And then it rang.

He grabbed the receiver, lifted it to his perspiring ear.

“Have you got the money?” a disguised voice asked.

Vincent swallowed, gripped his bag tighter. “Yes,” he lied.
 

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26 Comments
  1. Ooooo great tension in this one… he’s in trouble!

  2. Great little tension scene. These situations never end well….

  3. Tense and busy. Good work, TRG.

  4. The tension gripped me. Great ending, unusual and leading to many possibilities.

    • Thanks for reading Kelvin and for commenting. There are many ways this could pan out but with only 100 words I can’t tell you which way it will go 🙂

  5. Dear TRG,

    You taught me a new word, tannoy. I had to look it up. Very British. Love it. Good tense story.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  6. Me too, I had to look it up! Love that.
    Great tension in this story… methinks all will NOT end well if he doesn’t have the money.

    • I’m pleased to expand readers’ vocab this week 🙂 this is one of those FFs where there is so much more to tell than only 100 words will allow. I might have to post a director;’s cut later in the week

      • It is fun when we manage that, isn’t it?
        Hmmm you should!

  7. A great opening hook. Now, what is at stake if he can’t pay? I’m anxious to hear which way this will go.

  8. Ok, he’s bought himself some time. What is he going to do with it next? Good hook

    • Thanks for reading and for commenting Varad. Sometimes I like to leave a story open-ended to let the reader write their own next chapter but this week I was genuinely forced to stop as the word count restricted me.

  9. What a great start for a mystery/action story! Is there a bomb in the bag? Or maybe just a lot of cut-up paper?

  10. Loved the pace and build-up of the scene , looks like he doesn’t have much time, especially since he doesn’t have the money . Another sad end, I believe .

  11. This would have been suspenseful enough without the “he lied”. You doubled your money with that line.

  12. Interesting take on the prompt 🙂

    Click Here to see what Mrs. Dash Says

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