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Friday Fictioneers – Water

22 November, 2018

Well what excuses can I offer for not FriFicing for six weeks? I was busy? The dog ate my 100 words? I wrote them but left them on the bus? Some big kids stole them and ran away?
No, I’m not convinced by those shocking excuses either. I throw myself on the mercy of the internet and hope you will forgive my slacking off.

I’m back this week though, writing 100 words in response to Rochelle‘s email containing Dale Rogerson’s prompt pic:

I’ve shared my words over on Froggy Island too, where I urge you to go and read everyone else’s Fiction. But before you do, cast an eye over my humble efforts below…..

 

 

It was a sunny summer Sunday, perfect for a forest walk along the clear, shallow brook. We stopped and sat on the bank, cooled our bare feet among the polished stones.

And I felt such serenity, realised she was The One. Our lives would be like the brook; flowing onward peacefully, contentedly. I had to Ask her.

But before I could, her phone chirped; she checked the message.

“Who’s texting?” I asked.

“It’s…” she paused, sheepishly said, “just…. noone…” and walked along the bank to the falls. Where all serenity dissipated. And the turbulent water cascaded chaotically over the rocks.

 

27 Comments
  1. Well that sucks for him 😦 She needs to be straightforward with the truth!

  2. Good he finds out now.

  3. Oh damn…
    Well, at least he didn’t speak before she got the text… I feel for him.

  4. Nature reflecting his inner emotions. Perhaps better off without her.

  5. I like the way the narrator’s perception of the environment alters with the circumstances.

  6. Oh, Dear. Better to find out now rather than later. It’s clear that she isn’t the one.

  7. I have been looking for your FriFic stories! It’s good to see you writing again.

  8. It’s not looking good. Back to the drawing board I think…

  9. Oh dear, tragic misreading of the signs, I feel for him and love the way you’ve used the different speeds of the water to echo his feelings

  10. I don’t think her impressions of the day were the same as his, or she wouldn’t have been so focused on her phone. When hiking I get annoyed at fellow hikers staring at their phones while walking through nature. 🙂 Not a good fit for him.

    • I agree, nature is better when you enjoyed it first hand not through that little screen you’re holding!
      And I think the fact she couldn’t tell him who her message was from means they’re almost finished…

  11. Dear TRG,

    How quickly that idyllic scene changed for him. I guessing it wasn’t her mum texting her. 😉 Well done. I’ve missed the absence of your presence.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  12. Nice to have you back 🙂

    At first I thought maybe he’d thrown her into the falls. Then I thought, no, just asked for the truth. And then I thought, how long had they been seeing each other? Was it long enough for him to be justified in his anger? If not, he has no one to blame but himself!

  13. Nice parallel,between his certainty and the placid river and his doubt and the rapids

  14. Better to find out before the proposal!

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