Friday Fictioneers – Fair
Big thanks to Rochelle for running FriFic and Ted for the prompt:
Exactly 100 words, all comments and criticisms welcome.
I’ve dropped my sweets I don’t want to lose them I have to pick them up where are they I can’t see them oh there’s the bag that’s lucky I’ll eat one now they’re really nice I’d better hold her hand again where’s her hand where is she I can’t see her she was there oh no I can’t see her where has she gone oh no there are so many people but I can’t see her where is she where is she Are you lost? Shall we find your mummy? Yes please.
I hold his hand.
We start walking.
The Reclining Gentleman 
This has potential to go in a few different directions. I really liked it for that. I also thought it was clever the way you chose to take us into the child’s head. Nicely done! (Now, are you going to write a bigger story from this…?) 😉
I’m glad you liked it 🙂 using the child’s voice was the best way to capture the panic of being lost i thought.
that’s sweet – you helped the little kid…
Interesting how you read it that way, i wonder how many different interpretations other people will have?
well, RC, I was going to add …unless you’re a predator…or …look what a softy you are for helping the kid. I stopped before I offended and I know this was a story but I don’t think you’re a predator one bit.
Thats ok Jayne i know what you meant 🙂
Soooo, since you said it was interesting how I read it…How did you mean it? Were you being sinister?
No, i just meant i hadnt thought of me being a character of the story, i saw it as a child and an adult with me as the narrator (although it is told from the childs pov).
It’s wierd to hear different interpretations of your own writing isn’t it? Especially on personal things. Kind of freaky but expected when I stop to think about it. But who wants to be THAT mindful?!
its weird but it interests me to think that you or anyone sees things i hadnt. it proves that anything we write has its own life once it is written.
yes – I find that intriguing because it actually reveals more about the reader than what we wrote.
Yeah, I thought helping him was one way the story could go. The other is that the guy is not really going to help the kid find his mommy…. (Then again, I live in a neighborhood where they just arrested a guy two blocks down for kidnapping a little girl and chopping her into pieces. So maybe that’s why my mind goes to the dark place with this…?)
Those were the two alternatives i had in mind. i dont know which way it goes either. but i hadnt imagined anyone getting chopped up…
That was chilling. Well done… I liked the voice… both of them.
Thanks Ted. a vote for the sinister ending there?
Quite the contrary… I felt for the little girl. I think he’s good.
Love how you wrote the little kid. Clever
Thank you!