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A Guest GAW Post

21 September, 2012

I know that drunk posting is about as sensible as drunk calling or drunk texting but i don’t care. it’s friday night, it’s nearly one o’clock, i’m drunk and i want to tell you about the last two days.

 

I got an email from a friend on Thursday telling me about a job vacancy at his office, a job which i am well suited to. It would be part of his team, he wrote the job spec, it matches my skill set, its more interesting than my current job, less stressful, and paying about £10k more. This email arrived on a day when my boss told me she is taking two days off next week, one of the busiest weeks of the year for us, meaning i will have to cover for her while i don’t have enough time in the day to do my own work, never mind hers aswell. So the thought of such a great chance is immensely thrilling, and i had to tell someone.

“Tea run?” i asked GAW. She ummed and ahhed. “It wasn’t really a question,” i told her. We went for a tea run. I told her about the job, and she looked gutted at the thought of my leaving. “But you can’t go,” she said, “who will i go for tea with? who will keep me sane?” I put an arm round her shoulders, squeezed her tight and said, “You know, i will really miss you if i go.” And i felt the words “i really like you, i always have” and the urge to kiss her building up inside me. You’ll be disappointed to hear that i fought them back but i KNOW now that if/when i do leave for real, i wont stop myself. I’ll tell her and i’ll kiss her and see what happens. i broke our semi-embrace, and someone else walked in so we had to talk of other things. But later she emailed me to say “just so you know… I’m not happy :(” “I’m sorry,” i replied, “there is one person i will miss from here and that’s you.”

Today, it was stupidly busy again. Normally i write at lunchtime but i had to get out of the building. I asked GAW if she was free, and we spent the whole break in the smoking pen, just us two, slagging off other staff, chatting, bonding. And my desire to kiss her just kept increasing, and i kept fighting it back. If this was a film, that’s where and when i would have made my move and got the girl, but life is not a film and now is not the time. Not yet. Not quite.

I leave early on a friday, and she was in the canteen as i walked past to go home. I stopped and went in. We chatted again, she wished me luck for the rewriting of my CV which i will be doing this weekend in readiness for applying for the job next week. I hugged her goodbye.

It’s still early in terms of this job, i haven’t applied yet and i am not even acknowledging that there are chickens, never mind counting them,  but i know now that if i do get this job, i will miss her and more importantly she will miss me. Okay, i knew both of these things already, but i also now know that i won’t just head into the sunset and wonder what might have been. If i am successful with my application and i get to walk away from a job i hate, but also away from the girl who fills my thoughts and my fantasies, this whole GAW story will reach its denouement. I will either 1) be slapped, 2) be told “that’s very flattering but youre a mate and no more”, 3) be told “i feel the same but im with bf so we can’t”, or4) be asked “what took you so long?” My money is on option 2, but we’ll see

And whatever happens, i will tell you – my friends, my confidantes, who still support and encourage me despite my cowardice and inadequacy.

4 Comments
  1. Oh dear. “Cowardice and inadequacy”? I think not, Mr. Reclining Gentleman sir. Do I have to fly over there and slap you into realizing that?

  2. You have to take the risk – whatever that is for whatever the outcome. You have no other option except to live with NOT KNOWING and that will dirty your next pursuit so again, NO OPTION but to risk it. Congrats on the new job! Maybe the next – better GAW is waiting for you at the new job…???!!!!

    • you are right Jayne, i WILL take the risk, and i will tell her. there have been too many times when i havent, and i dont want another case of not knowing. I havent got the job yet so congrats are a bit early 🙂 but i have a very good chance of getting it. and yes, who knows who is waiting for me in the new office??

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